I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
