too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
