you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
