Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
