the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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