after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
