...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
