i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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