I wish I could punch you in the face.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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