oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
