Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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