can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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