she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
