i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My dick has a subreddit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
