I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like death gave me a hand job
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
