bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize