Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
