if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
