Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
