why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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