I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize