why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
