Nicole vs. Life
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize