A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
