Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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