why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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