please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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