I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
