Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize