I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
