Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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