Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
