so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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