She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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