my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
