Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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