Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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