I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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