he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
