I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
