I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
