her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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