We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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