My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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