eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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