If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
