I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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