Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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