Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dont even know how to be here
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
