that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
