Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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