my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
