Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
