I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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