the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
from now on my penis is your penis
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
