It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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