What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
