I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize