Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
