Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We need a shit load of segways right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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