when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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