You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize