he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk is a universal language darling
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