sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
