She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
