It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize